changes, part 3

the final stage in the change trifecta is the otherwise.

ah, the otherwise. named as such because it is the reason i am where i am today, and i haven't quite decided if it was a good change or a bad change.

the otherwise.

august 24, 2012

i left my job at the flag place.

some may say this is good. leaving a job clearly means you are moving on to bigger and better things, right? in this case, i was very wrong. i was hoping for bigger and better. unfortunately, that's not what i got.

my job at the flag place was pretty straightforward. take orders, enter them in the system, deal with customers. when i started, i was busy. and i loved it. my days went by so quickly. some days i felt like i was losing my head, but it was still a productive day. then things started to change. there it is again, that evil change. anyway, we weren't as busy. people ordered less flags. they began to shift the work around, to balance it out. when you get used to working at such a hectic pace, and constantly being busy, it's hard to adjust to a slower pace.

other things were changing too. the staff in my department went through a few changes. and unfortunately, for lack of a better term, there were some personality clashes. i am what i am. some people get me. some don't. and if you don't, well, i can come across as a downright bitch. but i do like and get along with most people. believe me, if i don't like you, you'll know it. i make it quite obvious. so that added an extra element of stress to my day. worrying if i was going to say the wrong thing and offend some one. not the way i like to spend my time.

another change happened when we got a new manager. she was awesome. but she wanted to streamline the department, make us a more efficient, well oiled machine. nothing wrong with that, but i lost more of my daily tasks, and they weren't replaced. super frustrating.

enter hr lady. now when you work in a small company, everybody gets into everybody's business. sometimes for good, sometimes for bad. and hr lady decided to get into my business and develop a dislike for me. granted, i wasn't to fond of her, especially after a personality clash, where she called me a bully, and basically a bitch. for an hr lady, she sucked at it. her people skills are certainly lacking. after that particular incident, i was so pissed off. i almost quit then and there. but common sense got the best of me, and i decided it would be better to stick around for awhile. it also frustrated me because i had no recourse. where do you go when you can't go to hr because they are the problem, and the owners of the company aren't really involved the the day to day running's because they live elsewhere?

despite having an awesome supervisor, and liking my job, most of the time, i was getting the feeling it was time to move on. it's a weird feeling. like you know the end is coming, you just don't know when.

anyway, i had been searching for awhile. mostly trying to get closer to home to avoid the awful commute, especially because of all the construction they were doing, and of course, more money. but the job market sucks. it still sucks, that's why i'm still looking. anyway, out of all the resumes i sent, i was coming up with nothing.

enter deka.

(now i don't like to name drop, but i'm going to make an exception here, because what they did to me was wrong, i'm still pissed off about it and i don't care if they know it.)

anyway, i sent my resume in january of 2012. the hr lady there really liked it, and called me right away for an interview. the fact that my aunt worked in personnel helped too. so i interviewed in january. unfortunately, they didn't have any office positions open. so they would keep my application open for 6 months. consequentially, i forgot all about it. come june, almost 6 months exactly, i got a call from deka. so i went to interview for a position. didn't get it, but a week later, i got a call for a different position. after much rearranging, i finally went to the interview, and landed the position.

so here is where it gets a little tricky. they called an offered me the position. i accepted, and then the bombshell. oh, you have to go through the temp agency. wtf? so you interview me, you hire me, and THEN tell me i have to go through a temp agency. bullshit. there was no mention of this during the interview, AT ALL. if i would have taken a day or two to think about it, i may not have gone through with it. but the excitement of a new position and a new opportunity got the best of me, and i said ok without giving it much thought.

when i finally gave my notice, my supervisor wasn't surprised. i think she knew it was coming too. i wrote one for hr lady. just left it on her desk. i wasn't in the mood to deal with her (incidentally, she wasn't even there my last day, so my supervisor did my exit interview. made my last day so much more pleasant). it was really bittersweet. despite all the issues, i liked it there. i liked the people. but all it takes is one rotten egg to spoil the dozen.

i started at deka with high hopes. from what i heard, it was a great company to work for, good benefits, good pay, and closer to my house. so i thought this was a golden opportunity for me.

the process began with a three day orientation. about 30 people crammed into a freezing classroom for about 8 hours. not fun. what also ticked me off was including myself, there were three total temps. what made my position so different that it had to be a temp to hire deal? i started to get a bad feeling, but by then i was already committed, so there was no backing down. then came the rules. so many rules. i guess with that many employees, you have to have some kind of infrastructure or things won't go smoothly. but the kicker was the 6 month introductory period. and being a temp didn't count. so even if they hired me, when ever the temp period ended, i would have to start all over again. this did not make angie happy. at all. and with so many people, there wasn't really an opportunity to talk to anyone and say hey, how long is this thing going to last?

i finally got to start my job. the office was small, a four person team and two supervisors. all of the desks faced the corners. no radios allowed. i suppose they wanted to keep it fair because the plant wasn't allowed to have them, so that trickled over into the office too. so staring into a corner for 8 hours a day, and no music. some days it was so quiet in there, i just wanted to scream.

things were going well. i picked up the job quickly, followed the rules, and tried to make the best of it. one thing i couldn't get over was the fact that i was constantly sick. the first day i was there, within an hour, i had a massive sinus headache that i couldn't shake. from then on, it was followed by sinus problems, a persistent cough, sneezing attacks, or a combination of all three. and a great deal of misery on my end. and being a temp, i couldn't just call of and stay home. i would have had to had a doctor's note, and again with being a temp, no insurance. in retrospect, i should have sucked it up and gone, and figured out why i was having so many problems. it was something there that was causing my problems, and they should have footed the bill for it. after i left in february, i haven't been sick since. it took almost a month for my breathing to go back to normal, but there have been no more issues.

and then came the drug tests. they were supposed to be random, but without fail, around 8:15am, the first few days of the month, i was required to report to the medical building to pee in a cup. it was the most annoying thing ever. i always pee before i leave for work, so i would never have to go right away. then i would have to chug a bottle of water for their stupid drug test and constantly pee for the rest of the day.

three months comes and goes. nothing. i continue on doing, my job, playing by the rules. but i still didn't feel like i fit in. the other three girls had a sense of camaraderie because they had been working together for so long, and already had their group going. the main supervisor didn't even acknowledge my existence, unless i made a mistake (and these things happen, especially when you're learning a new job, and the computer system sucks), at which point she would talk to the lead agent in angry, whispered tones, all the while glaring at me over her shoulder. the lead agent would then get the job of explaining to me what i did, and how to fix it, in a positive, constructive way. this method being far more appropriate than the former.

the new year rolls around. i'm finally frustrated enough with the whole thing to come out and ask what my status is. but in comes that awful change again. one of the girls got a better position in a different building. so to me, this indicates, ok, it's going to take awhile to find a replacement, so my chances just went up pretty good, and i let it go. so she left, and we ran as a three person team for about two weeks.

on a friday afternoon, about a week before the incident, the lead agent pulls me aside to have a little chat. the plant manager wanted her to touch base with me, let me know my review was coming up, and wanted to see how things were going. this seemed like a good sign.

then the new temp comes. from what i understood, she had been a third shift plant worker, had been in a car accident, and could no longer work in the plant. so they brought her into our office. and apparently, even though she had been there for around three months, she had to start all over with the temp process.

i started to get that feeling again. things just didn't seem right. the first clue i got was the fact that they set up her computer for her right away. she got her log in and user information within the first few days. it took them two months to do mine. and that feeling just wouldn't go away, and i couldn't figure out why.

february 1, 2013.

the ball drops.

it's the end of the day on a friday, after a long week. i'm winding down my projects, getting ready to head out for the weekend, when the supervisor asks to talk to me. so we go to the conference room, and she introduces me to the guy in charge of temps. so he goes through his little spiel, and says, "due to lack of business, we have decided not to make your position permanent. we will not be filling the position at all. as of the end of the day, your assignment has ended."

so many things went through my head, the first being what the FUCK?!! of course the whole thing caught me completely by surprise, so i didn't say anything really except ok. and i was mad. boy, was i mad. and, the unfortunate part is, when i get REALLY mad, i cry. and then i get even madder, and cry even harder. while there were many things i should have asked and should have said, i couldn't, because i was trying my damnedest not to cry.

i went back to the office to pack my things, and i told the lead agent. she had no idea this was happening at all, and she clearly knew i was upset. the guy hovered around me while i packed, making me super uncomfortable, like i did something wrong. it was such a horrible feeling. i said goodbye, and that was it. he then followed me out to my car to get my parking permit, thus adding insult to injury.

after i got in my car, i let loose. i was livid. there are no words to describe how completely and utterly pissed off i was. so i called dave. he wanted to come get me, but i knew there was no way he would find deka. i composed myself enough to get home. my supervisor lives near me, and ended up following me for part of the ride home. it was all i could do not to just flip her off. i even went home a different way because i just couldn't take it.

the moral of the story? i will never take a temp to hire position again.

temp to hire is the biggest crock of shit ever invented. since i left deka, i've interviewed for a few temp to hire positions. one of my first questions is "what is the temp to hire time frame?" i've only gotten a straight answer once. a lot of the times, they say they don't know. it depends on business. and that's crap. the business world is uncertain, sure. but if you need someone for three months, tell them that. if you end up needing them longer, i bet they'll stick around. most people like a steady paycheck. i've had a couple interviews for temp jobs, and i usually ask if it could go permanent. most of the time they say no, but i'd much rather know than not. knowing you're going to be working somewhere for 6 months is so much more appealing than feeling like your job could just end any day. it gives you time to prepare and find something else. and wouldn't it be a nice surprise if at the end of the assignment they say "hey, you did a really good job. business is good, we'd like to hire you permanently."

for five months, i devoted myself to my new job and all i got from it was a permanent cold and a royal screwing. i think if they hadn't brought in a new temp, i wouldn't be so angry about the whole thing. there was already an open position in the department. if business was so bad, why bother filling it at all?

this is the way i see it. they got five months of free labor out of me. deka just didn't want to have to pay me more money and give me the benefits. they found a new temp who could do the job for them for free. and by the time she got to almost 6 months, they can replace her too. i really wish i would have asked why they brought in a new temp anyway. to this day, it still bugs me not knowing.

one of my co-workers got a job at deka. when i asked him about it, one of the first things i said was that i hope he actually got hired. he's a temp too. i then told him i hoped he didn't get screwed like i did.

and here i am. no full time job, working part time for minimum wage. yay for me.

but in the grand scheme of things, it hasn't been so bad. i have lots of time to craft. it's been pretty awesome. i'm looking for a job, but the pickings are slim. my search area is limited because i currently don't have the resources to relocate or to replace my 21 year old car that has 225k miles on it. so it gets frustrating, but i'm not giving up yet.

which leads to the otherwise. it hasn't been good. it hasn't been bad. it's been otherwise. looking back over the past year, if i would have stayed at the flag place, would i have been happy? probably not. would i even still be working there? i might have gotten frustrated and just quit. i don't know. if deka would have hired me, would i have been willing to sacrifice my health for the sake of a job? maybe, depends on how much they were going to pay.

i guess i'll never know. i'm on this path for a reason. for now i'll just keep trucking along until i figure out the otherwise.