changes, part 2

to continue on, we now talk about...

the good.

august 8, 2012.

i got a boyfriend.


so in the midst of my mom being sick, one would wonder how i had time to pursue a relationship. i didn't, really. it just sort of happened. and as it turns out, it was exactly what i needed.

i am not one who has a lot of relationship experience. before dave, i had one major relationship. and it was not the best. it lasted four years, and it took me almost that long to essentially find myself again. i gave up a lot of myself during that four years, and it was a difficult road to reassemble the pieces. i tried the online dating thing, but it didn't really work out. i went on one date. and some of the guys who contacted me were just weird.

there was this one guy, he seemed pretty nice, so we exchanged a few messages. one day he asked me if i was talking to anyone else. i was like yeah. to me, a dating website is like a party. you're there to meet people. you have to talk to people and get to know them, especially before going out and meeting a complete stranger. apparently, this was a big deal to him. even though we were just talking and had made no commitment to each other. so i ran the other way. and what ticked me off about it was that he wouldn't let it go. in fact, he compared it to cheating and hitting a girl, both of which are completely unrelated to talking to more than one person at a time on a dating website.

anyway, one of my friends was moving, and she had a few beatles things she wanted to get rid of. naturally, i was more than happy to take them off her hands. one day she texts me with something along the lines of "i know a nice guy who posts cute kitten pictures on facebook. want to meet him?" pretty random way to describe someone, but sure. what the hell.

so we decided to get together at her place, along with her husband, and two of their friends, who was dave's best friend and wife. i also got to meet her son for the first time. he was so cute (still is). anyway, it wasn't love at first sight, or anything like that. to use dave's favorite expression, it was "meh". we didn't even really talk. he played with the baby, was playing games with the boys, and pretty much checking me out from the corner of his eye. so the night ends, we go home. not sure what to expect at this point, but i figure it is what it is. get home, find facebook friend requests from all three of them. dave then posted a picture of the evolution of beatles hair on my wall, and asked me about my brother and how he was a fan of the band he plays in.

and that was it.

about a week later, i get a request to play words with friends with dave. so i accept, and find he has said hi as well. that's really when it started. it took a game of words with friends for him to talk to me. so we went back and forth, playing words, me losing badly. we just talked about random stuff, and i found myself really looking forward to it. even though i was working an 8-5 job, i found myself staying up past my bedtime just to talk to him. this was right when my mom got sick. and everyday he would ask how she was. that meant a lot to me, especially since we were still getting to know each other, and he knew how stressed i was.

about a week after our first game, a bunch of people were getting together to play games. this was probably the first time we actually talked. he managed to get the seat next to me. we were playing apples to apples and he was showing me his cards, one was a big hug. after the game, we went to the 5th street diner. we were there until almost 2am, and he even paid for my food. granted i only had a grilled ham and cheese, but still. it was a nice gesture. and sneaky too. i went to the bathroom, came back, and he had taken my check. he hugged me good night, and it seemed like he was really nervous. he even texted me to make sure i got home ok.

then on august 1, we had our first date. we ended up going out to lunch at applebee's because he works second shift, and i worked first, plus whenever i was scheduled at joann's. since my lunch break was an hour, and early enough for him to get to work on time, it seemed like a good choice. he was waiting for me when i got there. i went to give him a hug, and bam. he kissed me. sneaky guy. not that i minded, really. just caught me by surprise. he entertained me with stories of the library where he works. i wasn't very talkative, mostly because i was stressed and really tired from working and spending my evenings at the hospital. he was very understanding about it too. we had a good time. i know we were both sad when my lunch hour ended. so he kissed me good-bye, and i went back to work. still tired, but happy just the same.

later that day, i went to the hospital to see my mom. my brother left his lights on and needed to be jumped. so i went out to help him. we get his truck going and he says "you know you need a new tire, right?" huh? he points out that there's a flap of rubber peeling off my tire. so i park my car, curse my luck, and go back in. once visiting hours were over, i booked it over to pep boys. it was near closing time, so they almost weren't going to do it. i think the guy knew i was upset, so he did it out of pity. they put the tires on, and the guy says to me "i hate to tell you this, but you need breaks". that was it. that was the emotional breaking point of the day.  i sat in my car and cried. i was talking to dave, who had just finished working, and he told to me stay there, he would come over. so i waited. and then i get a phone call. "how do you get to pep boys?" i don't know why, but it made me laugh. i told him, and he came. he hugged me, and sat in the parking lot with me for two hours, just talking. it was just what i needed that day.

a week later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. and the rest, as they say, is history.

he came into my life when i needed him. he met me at my worst and still managed to see through it. he makes me laugh, he makes me smile. he knows what i need. like when i got "laid off" he knew i was really upset. he came to my house, and just held open his arms. didn't say a word. he just hugged me, and i felt so much better.

and at almost a year later, i'm so glad he's in my life. we talk every day, although we've moved up to facebook messenger. neither or us are big phone people, so it works. we still play words with friends all the time. i still lose. i can honestly say i've never won. but the scores are sometimes more evenly matched. only sometimes though.

he's a nerd, and awkward and sometimes really strange, but i wouldn't have him any other way.

i can't say for certain what the future holds, but i know it, he knows it and everybody else knows it. just gotta wait for dave time to catch up to real world time....

ch-ch-ch-chaaaaanges!!

i guess this is more of a retrospective than anything else. looking back at this time last year, between july and august, there were some big changes in my life. anyone who knows me, knows i don't like change. it's my antithesis, my kryptonie, my arch nemesis. we're talking big changes here. heck, when i quit my job at wendy's, i cried. hard. i had been there for almost 8 years. granted, it was time to move on, but still. it was a big change for me, and i took it hard. but the store didn't close without my mad burger flipping skills, and i didn't self-destruct because i wasn't serving fries. so we move on. but this time last year was hard for me. things still aren't stellar, but i think i've finally reached a point where i'm pretty satisfied with the way things are going. and it's because of the good, the bad, and the otherwise.

the bad.

july 25, 2012

my mom got sick. the hardest thing to deal with was it wasn't an obvious illness. it wasn't something with a name, like cancer, a stroke, or heart disease. it was some kind of infection that somehow settled into my mom's brain and eradicated a huge part of her memory. thankfully, it didn't affect her motor skills, but a big chunk of herself is gone. the doctors finally settled on encephalitis as the final diagnosis. another scary fact- they don't have a recovery rate. some people it's quick, sometimes a year, sometimes never. and with no insurance, my mom has had no follow up care. so she may never get better. and it's a damn shame.

anyway, it was strange in the way it happened. on monday of that week, my mom had been getting something from her car, and the dog ran out after her. the dog startled my mom, and she whacked her head on the inside of the car door. she wasn't feeling well for the next couple days, she had a headache and a stomach ache. and on wednesday, she disappeared. i came home from work, and no one knew where she was. this was very unlike my mom. she would always leave a note if no one was home, or tell someone where she was going if they were. she does have a cell phone, but doesn't always have it on. anyway, she finally came home, and when asked where she was, she couldn't talk. she was using words, but they were just words, no sentences, no structure. nothing. we wanted to take her to the doctor then, but she refused. we thought maybe it was a result of hitting her head. so my dad was trying to get her to talk while my sister and i were googling possible causes. our first thought was a stroke, but her motor skills were fine. she just couldn't talk. she was getting frustrated with the whole thing, so finally we just let her go and rest. so i go to work the next day, tired, unable to concentrate, and i start to get texts from my sister. my mom is worse. she can't talk at all now. she doesn't know who she is. we're going to the hospital. talk about longest day ever. so get done from work, zoom over to the hospital. she was still in emergency. they admitted her as soon as they found out she didn't know her name. they had done some preliminary tests, and managed to rule out some things, like a stroke, but they still had no idea what was going on.

so my mom ended up in the hospital for three weeks. it was not easy for any of us. whenever i wasn't working, i was sitting with her. my family is not the closest, and we're probably pretty dysfunctional, but we managed to keep ourselves together, and be there for my mom. and ironically enough, it is my mom that has kept us together for so long. so what do you do when your rock crumbles? you hold on as best you can.

three weeks is a long time, especially for someone used to be able to do what they want, when they want. my mom ended up depressed. she was frustrated, and she wanted to go home. for the first couple days, it was pretty scary. she didn't know any of our names, she didn't know her name, her address, anything. fortunately, we had an excellent support system, especially my aunt and my mom's friends from church. we tried to make sure she always had someone there, her meals were ordered, and she was as comfortable as possible.

they did a ton of tests on her, but once they settled on encephalitis, and got an anti-viral going, she started to show signs of improvement. in the beginning, she didn't know anyone's names, and most food was salad.  i was the first name she got. maybe i'm her favorite.... anyway, for awhile, everyone was angie. but things started to come back. it was a slow process, and some things will never come back.

so here we are a year later. anyone who knows my mom knows she's not the same person. first, she lost a lot of weight. a lot. it's probably a healthy weight for her, but she looks fragile now. she has become very schedule oriented. she likes to eat at a certain time, do things at a certain time, and sometimes gets upset when things get thrown off. she spends most of her time playing scrabble with my sister or solitaire. she resumed a lot of her activities at church again, but not nearly as much as she used to do. she still teaches sunday school and runs the harvest fest, but it's harder now since she gets tired more quickly. she cleans the church one day a week, so she at least gets out of the house sometimes. she doesn't like to drive much anymore. she worries a lot more now. i think the thing i notice the most is her eyes. looking back at old pictures, it's almost like the twinkle is gone. now her eyes always look sad.

sometimes i really miss the mom she was. but she's still my mom and i still love her. and i'm so grateful that it wasn't so much worse.

dog days of summer

ah, july. my least favorite month. mostly because it's long and it's so stinkin' hot. we're only 11 days in, and at least 9 of them have been in the 90's with super high humidity too. i can handle the heat, it's the humidity that gets me. and my hair. it's times like this i just want to chop it all off. it's really dark, thick and hangs to the middle of my back. and currently needs a trim. but anyway, i wear it back all the time but there's still so much attached to my head, it feels like i'm wearing a knit cap year round. in the winter, it's lovely. plus, the humidity makes it poofy, so it almost doubles. first world problems, i know.

sleeping is also a miserable occurrence in the heat. i live in an old, finicky building. my blow dryer sometimes blows a fuse. i hate to think what an air conditioner would do. so i suffer through. but the worst part is, i like to sleep with my butt covered. i find i'm cooler with my feet out. even in the winter. if i get too hot, the first thing out is my feet. which is why i don't like to wear shoes. ever. flip flops are my best friends in the summer. i'd wear them all the time if i could. but in the winter, my feet get cold when i go outside, so i wear shoes. as soon as i get home, off they come. anyway, back to sleeping. when it's hot, i end up with the sheet all bunched up around my middle and it becomes two or three layers. thus adding to the discomfort. so i think to myself, there has to be an easier way. so today, i made myself a butt blanket. just took a yard of cotton fabric, and hemmed it on all four sides. i figured that should be just enough to cover me and not be overwhelming like a sheet. and of course, it's not so hot today. now i have to wait to try it out. oh well.

another project i've been working on was two aprons for a friend. i used a basic apron pattern and added a ruffle. i'm quite pleased with the way they turned out.

 and there they are! and i figured out how to add pictures!!! how exciting!!

another big check off my to do list was my sister's bridal shower. it was june 29, and a lot of fun, but i'm so glad it's over. it was a lot of work. i made such cute little candle holders and a giant vase of flowers. i didn't take pictures, and i gave them to her future mother in law to use at her second shower. her fiance and family live in western pa and in md, so she gets two showers. but at least they will be put to use and not just sit in my craft room, get in my way and annoy me. her hat was epic though. i didn't get to see it, i got the job of holding it on her head, kinda like with the giant crowns in toddlers and tiaras. one thing i was super proud of was my vases of paper flowers. my boyfriend's best friend is getting re-married, i guess you could say, or vow renewal is better, and his wife made bouquets of paper flowers to use in the ceremony. i helped her put some together, and was totally inspired. of course, i had to make my own, with the help of my mom and older sister. they got so pretty everyone liked them too. i ended up giving a bunch away.

so pretty!!

in the midst of all this, i got word that i will be a vendor at the hamburger fest. i'm uber-excited!!! and trying not to panic. this will be the biggest show by far i have ever done. if i don't sell anything, i'm going to cry. really really hard. but i really don't think that will happen. since i make amiguruimi, i had to make a hamburger. i'm hoping they will be a big hit. i have no idea how many to make though. i plan on making two sizes, one with worsted weight, and one with fine yarn. 

i also plan on making some without faces, and different combinations. like on the smaller one, i left off the cheese. 

this was my double cheeseburger experiment. no face. i'm not sure quite how i feel about it yet though. i'll probably end up making more of the single patties.




i guess that's all for now. i have to get ready for dance practice. we are doing our first luau tomorrow, at hamburg's beach night. so very exciting. of our three dances, i'm sincerely hoping we're not doing our stick dance.

this is my tahitian outfit. everything i'm wearing, i made, except the skirt and necklaces. i just hope the skirt doesn't irritate my legs. i got sunburned last week on the top of my legs. it's mostly healed but still itches. oh well.